Unhappy In Your Marriage? This Is Why (& How To Fix It) - Part 2

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Summary:

• How to find passion in your marriage even if you've been roommates for years
• Why relationships fail and how to prevent it
• The 5 relationship stressors and how to fix it
• Watch the video for the full training! 
• If you have a troubled relationship OR if your relationship is only "okay," you need this training! 

Inspirational Quotes From The Episode:

Transcript:

Welcome to The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! I’m a mindset

strategist and coach, inspirational speaker, and creator of Appreciation Academy and I

help online business owners breakthrough all the negative self-talk holding you back from your dreams so you can finally see the success you deserve!

Today is a continuation of my Two Part Series on…LOVE!

It’s all about getting the polarity back in your relationship, understanding why relationships fall apart and how to make sure that you have a partner for life, getting them back on board on the same page so you're no longer just roommates, you're living with passion!!

That's what this is about with your partner, you want to have a beautiful relationship!

I talked about this in last week’s podcast, but in the beginning of my relationship with Janiece, we used to fight a lot. We used to fight because we were immature, we didn't really understand this stuff, and then we broke up. We got back together about a year and a half later and ever since then we've had a beautiful relationship!

It's been full of passion, full of excitement and understanding! Sure, we've had disagreements, but we've handled it beautifully. And what I want to share with you is how relationships, if you have an understanding of how relationships get to that roommate stage or get to that stage where they fall apart, then you know how to break through and handle it.

So before you listen to this, if you haven't gone and listened to the episode from last week all about depolarization and you don't understand what that means, make sure you stop this episode and go listen to that first! It is so important that you understand that before we dive into the five relationship stressors because that causes the five relationship stressors to start.

So, let's dive right in!

First thing, I learned this at Tony Robbins’ Date with Destiny (let’s give credit where credit is due!)

If you're in a relationship right now where you're just roommates or you're in love, but you're not passionate in your relationship…if that's where you're at right now, you absolutely need to hear this! It made a radical change in my life. It can help you as well.

Let's talk about THE FIVE RELATIONSHIP STRESSORS:

1. Loss of Attraction (or Polarization)

When the woman doesn't feel SAFE, UNDERSTOOD, or SEEN.  

When a man feels CONTROLLED, CRITICIZED, or you’ve CLOSED OFF to him.

If either of those happen (or a combination of both), then it will go to the very first stressor.

1. Emotional Stacking

This is where irritation, frustration, emotional stacking tends to come. What happens when you get deeply polarized, meaning when the masculine and the feminine energy fall apart and you don't do what we talked about last week, when you've lost that attraction, you get to a place step two of emotional stacking. And that's really four parts:

1. Resistance- Your partner does something that bothers you, but you don't say anything.
2. Resentment- The resistance + tension gets built up
3. Rejection- This is where blame starts to happen. This is where toxicity + abrasiveness starts.
4. Repression- You feel numb. You’re in a place of learned helplessness. You’ve found other ways to have your needs met (work, porn, cheating, gambling, etc)

So, you get into a state of repression where you feel numb and you're in a state of learned helplessness, where you start to believe that no matter what you do, nothing will work to change the relationship (when deep down, you know that's bullshit!)

You're just missing polarity. You never fell out of love. You fell out of polarity. That's all it is! So to revise, to review these real quick emotional stacking is one resistance to and the resistance is where you have that little inkling that they did something kind of piss you off too is a resentment where starts to build and go deeper new. This tension about what they did. Three is rejection where you start to voice those things and judge the other person for that thing.

1. Loss of Physical Passion

You're not intimate with that person. Ask yourself right now, how often do you have sex with your partner? How often do you have sex with your partner? Is it frequently? Is it once every month, two months, three months, six months, year? Is it just to make a kid? Is it something where you're doing it just because you feel bad? If you don't, when did the physical passion disappear?

Because in order to have a passionate relationship, physical passion needs to be there! You cannot have a passionate relationship if physical passion isn't there.

1. Loss of Commitment

When you feel like you understand your partner, but they don't understand you and you’re going through the motions with them. You start to think about how your relationship probably isn't a good fit and you don't feel loved or needed.

You feel stressed out all the time and your energy goes elsewhere. Your energy goes to other people, other things on a deeper level than it did before. And this is where you start to consider other people. That's where you've thought about other people. Even if you haven't acted on it, this is where you start to consider it because you don't have a commitment to the relationship anymore, even though you might still be in it for financial reasons or for the kids or whatever it is, when this could be solved (easily) by simply getting polarity back.   Taking responsibility and getting polarity back and quit looking for something wrong with the person.

1. Story of Compatibility

Meaning you have built up a story in your own mind about why the relationship isn't a good fit. And feeling incompatible comes from not meeting each other's needs, not being put first in their life. You feel like you're less than and you haven't made it a priority to understand each other. And from this you just feel like your true potential as a couple has disappeared. And so you start to tell yourself this story in your head about how you're just not a good fit for each other and the idea of leaving comes into your mind and you feel this horrible sense of guilt. You feel like something is missing.  You're going against the standard even though you feel like you need to leave this person.

BUT all of this could simply be solved by you taking responsibility for your relationship!!

The BIGGEST problem I see with relationships is that people will say…well it’s not 50/50! Well guess what?! A relationship is NEVER meant to be 50/50. That's horse trading. That's not a good place to be!

A great relationship is 100/0. What does that mean?

That means you give 100% of everything you possibly can, and you love that person the way that they are with 0 expectation of anything in return and you just trust that it will work out! When you live that way, the relationship gets so much easier because you just give and give and give and give and give. If you treat your partner the same way you did in the beginning, there will never be an end to the relationship.

A passionate relationship is not about what you get. It's about what you give. When you give everything you can to the relationship and you love unconditionally, it doesn't matter what they do in return, you light up because you meet their needs. That should become your new standard. If your new standard becomes, I am going to give myself so much pleasure because I'm finding a way to give them pleasure.

If that is your new norm where you just make it everything about giving, giving, giving, giving, giving…you will have an intimate, passionate relationship and it becomes so much less heavy, so much less stressful!!

ALSO, I highly recommend you read The Five Love Languages!

Alright, thank you SO much for tuning in!! I hope these two episodes on LOVE will be a huge help in your relationship!!

Also, I'm doing a $50 gift card raffle each month. 

If you go to my podcast on iTunes right now, you give it a star rating and a written review- both the star rating and a written review.  Then email me [email protected] and say “Hey, this is my name, here's my email. I did the thing!” I’ll go in and verify it and you get entered into a raffle to win an $50 Amazon gift card!

I hope you can take part in that. I'm just trying to spread the word to more people. Thank you so much for listening to The Path To Mindset Mastery! My name is Brad Bizjack! 

I'll see you next week!